Sunday, March 6, 2011

Venting - When friendships go bad...

I remember being in high school thinking that "when I got older; I would have little to no drama in my life." Le sigh. How naive I was. In fact, the older I got, the more serious the "drama" got, relevant to actual life experiences instead of who was caught with who in the girls bathroom. Now-a-days, especially the last few months, I have had my own dose of real-life drama...


For the past 6 ish years, I have the same the "group of girlfriends". The type of friends that I was sure would be in my wedding, that I would celebrate my 30th, 40th, and; 50th birthdays with. Girls, whom in all honesty, I would've done anything for. And I did. I was always there to lean on when leaned upon. I was there through the break-ups, heartaches, and always listened when one in our group was bitching about another... Now that I think back, maybe that should have been a warning sign. If these girls were talking "smack" about each other to me, they mostly likely were talking about me to each other too.
Over the summer, the truth finally came out. After realizing more and more that I was on the "out", and that no matter how hard I tried, I got no response and no effort on their part. And, to kick me while I am down, insulted me, the man I'll marry one day, and our lifestyle. Seems that naive me thought these girls accepted me. I was wrong. Not only was it made clear that they have had many conversations behind my back, but also made it clear that I had been so wrong about these friendships and the meaning they had for me versus the meaning to them.

                                 when one door closes 1

I wish I could say I didn't cry hysterically, but that would be a lie. I wish I could I say that I do not care, but that too; would be a lie. I did cry. A lot. I cried not just because of the false accusations, but also because I feel like I was punched in the gut. I feel betrayed, sad, angry, and pretty much every other emotion there is. I am angry because the accusation is a complete lie, and I believe they know it too. I think it is an excuse, and that I just didn't fit the "mold". Which, I do not. I am not into going out all the time and partying at bar after bar. I am over staying out until 3AM; and usually turn into a pumpkin around midnight... I am into hanging out at home, having Sunday dinner & movie nights with my love and his daughter - and with a boyfriend that works the "mid" shift (11pm-7am) and about 35 hours overtime per week, I am into spending time with my boyfriend over a casual Friday night dinner. 

                                      life os too short                           

I do not have a traditional relationship. I do not have a  traditional  life. Yes, I am madly in love with an older man. Yes, he has two teenagers (one, of which, lives with us). Yes, I have some "motherly" aspects of my relationship with his daughter. Yes, I am "beyond my years". But I chose all these things; and would not have it any other way. 
Want to know what else I have? LOVE. Happiness. I am loved, in a way that I never thought possible. I am in an amazing relationship with an amazing man, whom I truly believe is my soul mate. 
I smile, everyday, because of my life, my loved ones, and the few "true" friends that have stuck by me. 
I have what makes others jealous: I am truly happy.

- A


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