Wanting to scream...

That fateful Halloween changed everything. And I mean everything. I went from a normal, happy teenager to a confused, violated angry person.. But the beat went on. And on it did. I went to school, and I believe I made it to about fourth period before I broke down and told someone what had happened to me. Her name was Holly, and she was what my HS called an adjustment counselor. I will give you a little background information on Holly and I....

Holly was not assigned to me in school. Holly worked with students who need "iep's" or "individual educational plans" as well as kids who had what some would call "behavior" problems. I don't really know how I feel into Holly's hands in school but I did. I used her and her office as a hiding place, most likely for all the wrong the reasons (like to get out of class) but also used Holly to talk. Yep, just talk. Holly was the first adult that I had come in contact with throughout my life that I actually felt like I could talk to. And the first adult that actually listened. She actually cared; (whether it be her job or not) and at that point in my life, that was a big deal for me. I cherished my "talking" time with Holly, and eventually was able to see her once a week in lieu of a class.

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After "what happened", I remember just aimlessly walking around the halls in school. Not going anywhere in particular, and definitely not going to class. Just walking around. I remember feeling so lost, confused, angry, sad, mad ... almost every emotion one could think of. Down one hallway, I ran into Holly. Maybe she knew something was off, maybe not, either way she told me to head to her office. So I did. It didn't take long for it to just come blurting out.

As I think back, I don't think Holly knew what to do. What to say. Lord knows, I didn't. All I knew is that I wanted to go home. I left Holly's office and went home. It wasn't a half hour later that Holly called me at home and told me to come back to school...

So I did.

I ended up back at school. At this point, it is a tad blurry. It was like living a dream nightmare. I hadn't even thought of going to the doctor's... My mind was just so blurry. I thank God everyday that Holly did. She drove me to the nearest doctor, and I was given tests as well as the "Plan B" pill to prevent pregnancy. Regardless of your thoughts on the abortion matter, I also thank God everyday for that pill too. It is clear that Holly had went above and beyond her responsibilities, and thankfully so. I was in a pretty bad place went I had gotten back home that day from school. My mind, emotions, everything was just so messed up, and I doubt Holly realizes just exactly what she did that day... It wasn't the fact that consoled me, the fact that she researched and spoke to the appropriate people on what to do, nor the fact that she drove me to the doctors and sat with me ... that day when Holly called me back to school ... I am pretty sure she saved me from myself.