Monday, March 14, 2011

I feel like a real blogger now!


I have my very own domain name! I am so excited!


Please follow me over to:


love 4 living [dot] com


I promise, at the very least, I won’t bore you to complete tears!


Sunday, March 13, 2011

The After Party…

This post may be a bit heavy, and will contain some mature content. It contains drug references and may be triggering to some people. So please, read with caution… 

[If you missed the first part of my story you can find it (here) ] I have no doubts that my partying ways began as a way to escape the thoughts and feelings that I was experiencing in high school. But then something changed. I no longer “just wanted to get high and party” but I had to. I not only had the desire to escape but there was also a physical need for it.

[ You are probably wondering where my parents were in all this? Well, my parents divorced when I was in third grade, and I lived with my mom. My mom, who had to work two jobs just so we could afford our tiny two bedroom apartment in this city (my mom’s bedroom was the “living room” as she gave the second bedroom to my brother and I had the other). Did my mom know that I was struggling? I don’t know. I think that life in general was a struggle for her being a single parent and I think she just thought I would eventually get my shit together

After I left high school, things just spiraled so fast out of control. My mom eventually moved about an hour away and my brother went to live my dad.. And I stayed in the city going to from “friends” houses to couches etc. I was never seeing my family, and only spoke with my mom periodically because at this point (2 years later; she clearly knew now that something was wrong, but didn't know how to help me. And honestly, I didn't want to be helped... YET.

I obviously quote friends because the people I was now surrounding myself full time with were other users who wanted to do the same thing I did: use. And use we did. We spent our days hustling (as they call it) and our nights partying. The neighboring town was/is known for it’s drug availability so it was quite easy to find people “to run with”. [“To run with” just means our group; we took care of each other (to the best of our abilities of course) and were always together day and night

Eventually, I met Stephen. Stephen was the from "the Town" I was speaking about and we became fast friends. And although he too was in the same situation I was, he was different that your typical addicted soul. When we would ride the train to cause trouble, he would read novels. He was smart, loved his family, and took me under his wing like a sister. There was something "good" in him, that I didn't see often in my current life. And little did I know he would change my life…

-to be continued.

Friday, March 11, 2011

High School Haze Days…

This post may be a bit heavy, and will contain some mature content. It contains drug references and may be triggering to some people. So please, read with caution…
I last left off telling my “story” (here) and I was now a completely different person than I had been before the incident. Although I  had Holly reach out to me, I had no desire to talk about what I was going through. Now I am not going to sit here and say I was a complete angel before that Halloween, because I wasn’t. However looking back I can say that something changed inside of me. It was like all logical thinking was gone and I was angry. But most importantly I think the major things that changed about me was that I no longer cared.. I no longer cared about my life, school, family, or even myself for that matter. I also started hanging out with different people than the friends that I had grown up.
I am sure this was evident by my behaviors. Unfortunately around this time partying because a constant in my inner city high school. Drugs and alcohol were everywhere you turned.. in classes, outside school, etc. It was like an epidemic took over and most of my graduating class were the ones to get “sick”. Myself included. My new friends and I had no desire to attend classes and all we did was pretty much skip school and get stoned. As you can imagine my grades fell, and really quick. Even when I did attend school, I was nothing but disruptive. This “lifestyle” I had gotten myself into went on for the majority of my high school, until eventually my high school just got tired of me and decided it was better for me not attend, and I was in no shape to attend anyways.
However, what I didn’t realize at this time was that not only was my lifestyle all fun and games, it was also deadly. By the time I left school my senior year I was actually “addicted” to my fun partying ways…
-To be continued.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The ABC’s of Me…

So lately I have seen a few a lot of the bloggers in blog land do the ABC survey and since I am complete sucker for surveys (hello myspace and Facebook) I figured I would hop on the bandwagon!


A. Age: 26 but I turn 27 on 3/23!
B. Bed size: King, but soon to be Queen because we moved into a smaller and are just putting off the inevitable.
C. Chore you dislike: Cleaning the oven. Yuck.
D. Dogs: Negative Ghostwriter.
E. Essential start to your day: Coffee. I am a complete coffee addict – openly of course.
F. Favorite color:  I really like gray/black combo and of course, PINK.
G. Gold or silver:  Silver. I feel like it goes with my skin tone better.
H. Height:  5’4.5. Yes, the half an inch matters.
I. Instruments you play(ed):  Piano for like a minute in grade school.
J. Job title: Student? Home-maker? Titles are over-rated anyways!
K. Kids: The boyfriend has two kids – however only his daughter lives with us – so one
L. Live: In Boston, MA.
M. Mom’s name:  Alice.
N. Nicknames: (Ames, Pach)
O. Overnight hospital stays:  Only one. My gallbladder exploded on XMAS even two years ago. Fun times.
P. Pet peeves:  See previous Wah, Wah, Wah post!
Q. Quote from a movie: “Hey, there were skittles in there!” –The Hangover
R. Righty or lefty:  Righty.
S. Siblings:  1 bro, 2 step, and 1 half bro =)
T. Time you wake up:  Depends on the day.. but I am for sure a  night person. I do my best cleaning at 2:30 AM.
U. Underwear: Moving on  :D
V. Vegetables you dont’ like:  I absolutely, positively despise tomatoes. Ew. Yuck.
W. What makes you run late:  I never can pinpoint what it is exactly but I am rarely on time.. I am either super early or late.
X. X-rays you’ve had:  Chest (asthma) Abdomen (Gallbladder)
Y. Yummy food you make:  I wish I could make yummy food, alas I am newb in the kitchen .. le sigh.
Z. Zoo animal favorites: This one is a toss up: those itty bitty monkeys and tigers!
-Till next time…

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Wah Wah Wah…

There are certain imperfections or characteristics I realize I have. I am super impatient, am known for starting things and losing interest in them; and therefore start such things and don’t finish them. I cannot cook to save my life, get bored very easily, and I am the messiest clean person there is. However, I do try to follow the “rules of society” that this life has put in place.
One thing I am not usually is a complainer. This short blog post, is in fact, going to do the complete opposite.


5 Things that have really erked me as of late (in no particular order of annoyance):

  • When people, especially at the supermarket, feel the need to leave their carriages in a parking space. *This happened to me today (which is partly what spurred this post) I pulled into not one, not two, but three different parking spots littered with carriages. Is it really too much to walk the two feet to put the cart back? 

  • When people reveal way too much information on their Facebook. I am talking about a slew of different things here, ranging from mentioning your sex life, menstrual cramps, and of course posting ultrasound photos. Some things should be kept private and other things is just plain old TMI.

  • When people walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk, stairs, etc. This also includes when people walk directly in front of me, giving me the impression that I must have been wearing my “invisible outfit”.

  • People that talk in a movie theater. This one is pretty self-explanatory. If I wanted to drop big bucks to listen to a stranger talk, I would just go to therapy.                
  and lastly…  

  • Crazy drivers. It is no surprise to me why people refer to Massachusetts people as “Massholes”. It HAS TO BE DUE TO THE WAY SOME OF US DRIVE. I mean some of the drivers I encounter are freaking crazy! In and out of lanes, no blinkers, and no regard for anyone else. Of course, there is another part of this one that I hate to even complain about, because it is the lesser of two evils: the ultra-slow driver. The driver that literally goes like 5mph. Yea.  
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    So, yes, this was a completely useless post and I pretty much just bitched the whole time. But, I have found that venting life’s little frustrations actually helps me. Why? Well, I just take a look at the above list and perspective sets in. I realize that even though I may get irritated (at life’s little things) I need to just take a deep breath, and carry on. I also realize that it is these little things, that really are really nothing in comparison to the big things in life. And it is these BIG LIFE THINGS that I need to have my game face on for…



    Sunday, March 6, 2011

    Venting - When friendships go bad...

    I remember being in high school thinking that "when I got older; I would have little to no drama in my life." Le sigh. How naive I was. In fact, the older I got, the more serious the "drama" got, relevant to actual life experiences instead of who was caught with who in the girls bathroom. Now-a-days, especially the last few months, I have had my own dose of real-life drama...


    For the past 6 ish years, I have the same the "group of girlfriends". The type of friends that I was sure would be in my wedding, that I would celebrate my 30th, 40th, and; 50th birthdays with. Girls, whom in all honesty, I would've done anything for. And I did. I was always there to lean on when leaned upon. I was there through the break-ups, heartaches, and always listened when one in our group was bitching about another... Now that I think back, maybe that should have been a warning sign. If these girls were talking "smack" about each other to me, they mostly likely were talking about me to each other too.
    Over the summer, the truth finally came out. After realizing more and more that I was on the "out", and that no matter how hard I tried, I got no response and no effort on their part. And, to kick me while I am down, insulted me, the man I'll marry one day, and our lifestyle. Seems that naive me thought these girls accepted me. I was wrong. Not only was it made clear that they have had many conversations behind my back, but also made it clear that I had been so wrong about these friendships and the meaning they had for me versus the meaning to them.

                                     when one door closes 1

    I wish I could say I didn't cry hysterically, but that would be a lie. I wish I could I say that I do not care, but that too; would be a lie. I did cry. A lot. I cried not just because of the false accusations, but also because I feel like I was punched in the gut. I feel betrayed, sad, angry, and pretty much every other emotion there is. I am angry because the accusation is a complete lie, and I believe they know it too. I think it is an excuse, and that I just didn't fit the "mold". Which, I do not. I am not into going out all the time and partying at bar after bar. I am over staying out until 3AM; and usually turn into a pumpkin around midnight... I am into hanging out at home, having Sunday dinner & movie nights with my love and his daughter - and with a boyfriend that works the "mid" shift (11pm-7am) and about 35 hours overtime per week, I am into spending time with my boyfriend over a casual Friday night dinner. 

                                          life os too short                           

    I do not have a traditional relationship. I do not have a  traditional  life. Yes, I am madly in love with an older man. Yes, he has two teenagers (one, of which, lives with us). Yes, I have some "motherly" aspects of my relationship with his daughter. Yes, I am "beyond my years". But I chose all these things; and would not have it any other way. 
    Want to know what else I have? LOVE. Happiness. I am loved, in a way that I never thought possible. I am in an amazing relationship with an amazing man, whom I truly believe is my soul mate. 
    I smile, everyday, because of my life, my loved ones, and the few "true" friends that have stuck by me. 
    I have what makes others jealous: I am truly happy.

    - A

    Thursday, March 3, 2011

    10 days at LA Fitness (and the beef with other gyms)

    Our friends joined up with a Boston-area gym called LA Fitness. It is a fairly new gym around these parts, and I believe there is only a couple of locations so far. Luckily, they were given two VIP 10-Day passes for anyone of their choosing to also try out the gym – they picked us!


    This past December, we moved to North Shore of Boston, leaving our THREE gym memberships behind. Yes. THREE. TFK and I both belong to Boston Sports Club and he has a secondary gym membership at Golds Gym. Unfortunately, we are now too far from either gym so we are in the market for a new one. My relationship with the gym is this: I HATE TO LOVE IT. Due to the fact that I am not a runner, the gym gets me access to other cardio and classes, however I usually am not a fan of the atmosphere and/or the price.

     Some other riffs we have had with our previous gyms:

    • Planet Fitness: Planet Fitness was a great gym for cardio; however it is not geared towards “hardcore lifting”. TFK is into high free-weights, and planet fitness only has dumbbells that go up to 60 pounds. Another issue is that due to the cheap price of this gym, it is so crowded all of the time. And I am talking packed sardines type of crowded. Regardless, the ride it took to get to the nearest PF ended up being not worth the very cheap monthly price.
      • Gold’s Gym: TFK liked Gold’s Gym for there apparent catering to a more “bodybuilding” type of workout. There was higher dumbbells, however the Gold’s near us was quite small. There cardio equipment was half new/half out-dated, and it seemed that regardless of the time we went; it was always JAM PACKED. The price seemed a little on the high side ($30 per month) for such a small gym, and there early termination fee is $200!
      • Boston Sports Club: Firstly, the price of this gym is almost double that of any other previous one ($60 per month) which is crazy expensive. Although this gym had a lot of amenities like a pool, sauna, and basketball court, it still is questionable whether or not it is worth the price. TFK ran into problems with this gym’s lifting section as well; since it was really small and seemed a bit dated. However, I liked this gym purely because the cardio equipment of this gym is definitely the best I have seen, with all new equipment and TV’s on every cardio piece. This gym also has a lot of different classes to choose from; but does not offer the “official” body pump class which I have yet to find at any of the gyms I have belonged to.
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        So, needless to say we have had our share of gym experiences in the last 3 years, but cannot seem to find a gym that caters to both him (free weights, large lifting area) and me (updated cardio equipment; large cardio area). We started our 10 day pass at LA Fitness yesterday and my initial thoughts on this gym are this:

        • LA Fitness: TFK is loving this gym so far. This gym has a huge free-weight section that has a lot of benches and a lot weights. The cardio section of this gym is upstairs, and has an OK amount of equipment. It seems a bit dated, lacking the newer precor cardio machines I have grown to love. However, it does have a pool and a racquetball court with a decent amount of classes offered.

          Off for day 2 at LA Fitness…

          *Clearly these are my personal views on my experiences at the Gyms listed above*